Exhausted

When people describe me, the first thing they say is
“She’s the happy one”
My character is defined by cheerfulness
But no-one can be happy all the time.

I can also be miserable,
Morose, melancholy.
The only difference between me and everyone else
Is that I shove that sadness somewhere where it won’t bother me

Everyone needs an optimist; but sometimes
Holding up a smile
Is more exhausting than simply being sad.

Our Mayfly Love

The mayfly lives for an extraordinarily brief amount of time
Their name literally translates as ‘lasting one day’
They are born – they mate – they die.
So brief that they’re barely here at all.

Our love was a mayfly love
We were so fleeting; two lives never joined,
Only brushing against one another

But in that sweet night with you explained more
Than years in the real world ever could
My teachers never taught me lessons like yours

I still think of you
I still remember your face on the pillow beside me

You are my conscience now
The memory of your words echoing in my head
Perhaps if I listen to your voice, you’ll guide me back to your side
So we can be together again
Even if for just one sweet day; my mayfly

Her Request

Several months ago I received a request
It was from a close friend of mine, one warm, cozy night
We shared a double bed – she lay on her side, facing me
I stared blindly up at the ceiling, lying on my back, arms crossed over my stomach
As it often does with late hours, the conversation turned deep
We talked of things we’d never told anyone else, as though our souls were opened for the first time
As the conversation lulled, she leant up on one elbow and made a request of me
And at that moment, I froze
Every clamouring thought in my head stilled and I blinked up at the ceiling for what seemed like minutes
She lay, waiting, expecting, just as nervous as I was
Then I turned to face her, and gave her my answer.

Several months ago I received a request
And I wish I could return to that late, hot, cozy night and receive it again
Because I gave her the wrong answer
And my answer destroyed everything that we could’ve been
I’ve regretted it every time I’ve met you… and every moment in-between
I’m sorry, can we go back to that hazy night when you made your request?
I want to change us.