The Monster Within

Her first words:
“You seem happy,”
My first thoughts:
-It’s working. I’m believable. They can’t see the monster inside-
I smile, thank her, excuse myself with extreme politeness and etiquette
With many apologies, carefully make my way through the crowd
-this party makes me want to claw someone’s eyes out, if I stay here another second I’ll end up slaughtering all these ignorant pigs-
A stiletto heel stabs my into foot, pierces the skin
A flash of pain is instantly followed by a surge of fury
From my feet, through my bones, washing through my crotch and tightening my stomach, sending my heart racing in delicious anticipation Bloodlust, tactical and systematic
Bloodlust, craving and desire
How can I cause the most pain with what I have?
And even as the woman – large breasted, champagne glass in hand, – spouts her slurred sorrys, I can only see the blood in her neck
Her blood, pumping, her pain
Her voice screaming
I breathe quickly, my chest rising and falling, oxygen straight to my sharp head
-make her suffer, make her shriek, stab her eyes out with those excruciating shoes of hers-
My foot throbs with my heartbeat, I can feel the blood swell up and roll down the side of my foot
I breathe with flared nostrils
The foolish woman leans forward, her breasts swelling and threatening to explode from her dress
-I’m going to kill this woman-
I breathe, I stare at her, her mouth still forming those stupid words
-I need to go-
In the dank bathroom there’s no-one to suspect
The crack in the mirror cuts me in half
I stare at the girl I don’t understand
A hatred that must’ve come from somewhere
A darkness that someone must’ve dug into my heart
A violence that sickens… and delights me. I want it, I want them dead, I want to kill my parents and my lovers and my children-
Who am I?
Monster. Human.
Terrified Girl. Terrible beast.
Torturously Cruel. Trying to be kind.
I am at war with myself and the victories are occurring less and less.
One day soon I know it will break free
I’ll be free
She’ll be free and we’ll all be dead.


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