All those days that you longed for it, begged for it
All the terrible times you told me that it would be so much easier if you were gone, and I felt like every goodbye would be the very last one
That moment at the end of all things when you knelt down in the ashes and prayed like your heart was burning
You lived so recklessly, as though you welcomed the consequences, as though you just wanted it over with
But it wasn’t death that you were looking for
Lying here in this hospital bed, your grey lips open around this fragile truth;
You never wanted to die. You only wanted control.
Control of your body, control of your fate, control of the voices in your head.
The ultimate way to show that your life is your own is to push it over the edge.
But now, as you hover inches from away from death – paralyzed within this terrible hovering in-between state – you realise the truth… and you wish you could start again.